Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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