he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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