Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
