She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize