You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
