i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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