My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
