Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize