I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize