"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
