Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
