yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
