Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My balls are so social today.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
