yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
