Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
