I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
