I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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