Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
