you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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