The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We have started to decorate penises.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
