Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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