we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
