I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
