Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
