I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
