yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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