We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
