high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
