I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
