Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
