saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
