Im at strip club and am horny
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
