so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
