Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
honey bunches of taint.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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