so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
