Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
