"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
