Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
