i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
