you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
