well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
