Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So squirting runs in the family.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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