What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
