he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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