i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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