is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
