When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
