Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize