i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
