i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
