Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
