Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
