I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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