I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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