Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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