I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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