I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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