I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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