Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
