Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
where does the pee come out of this thing
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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