never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
