I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
