i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
