Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
