You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
