From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
