i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
